Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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