Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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