I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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