I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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