I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
