i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
