She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
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