Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
