It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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