So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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