ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
