If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
