That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
