are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
