just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
