Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
