yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
