Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
