3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your tits are I can't wait for
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
