My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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