It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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