whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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