Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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