i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
