I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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