Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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