apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
