i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
and you fell through a lawn chair
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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