the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
