Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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