home. puking in laundry basket.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
