yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
