STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
