Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
