nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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