Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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