ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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