Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
