Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize