a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
