I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
