so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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