R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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