I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
