I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
