if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
