I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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