Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
