ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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