if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
