She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
