Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
