You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
this hospital has no fireball
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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