i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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