I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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