if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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