I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
