So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
