Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize