Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
