You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
