drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
