i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
