We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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