dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
