We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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