worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
