I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
