and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
