I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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