pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
